I am struggling.
I feel like I literally can't do ANYTHING!
* I can only put half of my dishes away, because I am too short to reach the top shelves. I used to be able to stand on my tippy toes or climb my counters, now I can't do that.
* I can't vacuum
* I can't fold laundry because I can't transport my laundry basket to a room where I can do that.
* I can't leave my apartment very well, because I live on the 2nd floor.
* I can't climb the stairs to get back to my apartment.
* I can't mop my floors because the bucket of water is too heavy for me to try to mop.
*I can't carry dishes to my kitchen table
I'm sure there is more....it feels like every simple task is too hard for me to do now.
It is SO frustrating to not be able to live my normal life and to have to ask Kevin for help every time he turns around.
I feel depressed, because I feel like all I can do is sit on the couch or lie on my bed.
My foot was starting to feel a little better on Thursday. I was starting to think..."Maybe I won't need surgery. Maybe when I get my MRI, it will just say that I need to rest it, and things will go back to normal.
I just realized, I never updated this blog. On Wednesday, I went to my Podiatrist for a follow up and to get an X-Ray. My doctor was very concerned about my foot and ankle when she looked at it this time. She felt my foot and asked me, "Is your foot cold?" I kind of looked at her confused, "I guess, but I put ICY-HOT on it this morning, so...". "No...your left foot is a couple degrees colder than your right foot. And it's DISCOLORED!" I'm slightly embarrassed that I didn't notice all of this until she pointed this out.
After I got an X-Ray, she came in and told me that I didn't have a sprain or a fracture, but the look on her face made me feel very worried. She told me she wanted me to get an MRI so we could see if I had torn something. The way my foot looked was very concerning to her.
Surprisingly, I didn't cry in her office this time. I felt validated. All this time, I was telling people that my foot hurt very badly and it was getting worse...but in the back of my mind I kept feeling like maybe I was being a baby about the whole thing.
When I was a kid, I was often told I was a baby when I would complain about something hurting. I was dramatic, but because of this...I felt like no one ever took me seriously and I always questioned myself on whether I was being dramatic. I still do.
Anyway... this week, I am scheduling an MRI. I am nervous about the results. In my mind, I wouldn't be surprised if they said I needed surgery because there are days I can't even sleep because of the pain throbbing around in my foot...but of course, I am hoping for a miracle. I'm actually hoping that I am being a baby about all of this and that I will just have to keep off of it and it will miraculously heal.
Either way, there is going to be a lot of crying. I feel like all I do is cry. Everyday, I have some sort of emotional break down. I am not used to being dependent! I've taught myself to not be a baby and to be an adult. Now, I can't even adult.
2 comments:
Ellen I'm so sorry you are laid up and worried about the extent of your injury! And discouraged that you can't do much. Can I come help do some of the things you can't manage and give you a little company?
Do you have the results yet? Ayn had something similar and it was a broken bone floating in her foot (I think).
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